With love, without love
April 5, 2008 by strider
We are all different. Some people have certain properties about themselves that arise from an interplay between genes and environment which confers upon them certain strengths but gives them some vulnerabilities.
This gives us each a unique set of needs arising from our environment, and from its interplay between that and our physical being. Indeed, we are born with basic strengths and weaknesses.
I needed to be nurtured and loved more, probably more than most people. How do I come to realise that? I guess, now that I am in a part of my life that I am actually loved more. I have a wife who supports me and loves me; and who makes me feel secure and loved. She seems to be good at that.
Without love, I am a burden on others; I am useless. With love, I can realize my potential. I recall that when I lived with my mother and sister, there was really no love at all. Everyone worked against each other; everyone was always miserable, pulling each other down and down. The misery continues in the way we don’t correspond. It has become our way of saying that we are happier now; don’t fuck with us. You can call it anything you like. But however you define love, it was never there. It was a dark place in the past.
In a way, my present life feels creepy. Freedom from conflict – at least of the kind that drain you. Freedom from name-calling, belittling; freedom from the vortex pulling you inward and downward. It is creepy, to have that absence of sources of negativity. But I got used to it quickly.
I settled in to this new comfort zone. It was pleasing even to know that I even have a comfort zone.
I agree with your ideas. Just wanted to share here some of my own thoughts to add something -I believe positive- to the mix:
The secret to growth, so we can love better, is expanding that comfort zone beyond it’s actual limits. And that is achieved only by stepping outside of it as much times as necessary. There’s no easy way out. It’s the only way. Yet, it’s not that hard, kids do it all the time!
Life of men in earth is fight, and the day we stop growing, enhancing, changing, fighting, is because we’ve died (if not our body, our spirit).
It is important -I agree, as you said- to know which our comfort zone is, that gives us identity and a starting point.
Every relationship is healthy or not healthy. Luckyily you have realized what is not healthy and what is. I know cheeseburgers are unhealthy, but I choose to eat them anyway. Life is full of cheeseburgers, but the secret is knowing it.
sorry, I like cheeseburgers.
Hmm… I am not sure that I would agree that every relationship can be healthy. Just like knowing cheeseburgers are unhealthy doesn’t make them healthy. Similarly, if a person reacts to me in a negative way too often, I don’t think the secret would be to anticipate their negativity and to “socially engineer” only positive outcomes. That cramps your style after awhile, big time, and does not make things much healthier. I’ve tried that. It might occasionally get you out of some tight spots in the short-term, though. But it is by no means something that could be a long-term solution. And I don’t know of any long-term solution.
Funny, I like “regular” hamburgers (no cheese). I only wish that my awareness of hamburgers being unhealthy would make them healthy. :-)